Take off the shell "good student" (P2)

As a preschool teacher, I am very concerned about a child's healthy development. Listening and feedback are two critical skills that both parents and teachers need to pay attention to in supporting children’s journey. When I was a student, as far as I remember, I never saw any classmates express opposition to teachers or the school. If we disagreed, we would only object in silence and still do that, but we would not speak up. Even at home, it was the same.

About three years ago, I used to proudly tell people that I never asked for anything during the years I lived with my parents. Whatever my parents gave me, I used it, and I followed their plans for my life. I never demanded or rebelled against them. One experience made me realize: “Why have my parents never asked for my opinion?”. That day when I was in secondary school, I had just come home from school and was having dinner when my parents announced, “Tonight, you will move to auntie’s house and start at a new school, as we have told you before”. Although my parents had informed me earlier, at that moment, I was shocked: “What’s going on? Do I have to leave home and start an independent life? I won’t be with my parents anymore?” I felt very uncomfortable because my parents never asked for my opinion and forced me to move out of the house, even without letting me know about the new school I would attend. And because I was a good child, I was used to following my parents’ arrangements. That child was not prepared for the significant changes in her life when moving homes and schools simultaneously. 

Finally, I had to stay at my auntie’s house for five years, from 7th to 11th grade. In the new environment, our ways of living were very different. I was still young and dependent at that time, many things bothered me, but I couldn’t express them. I had to endure it for those five years. When I entered the university, I met more people, groups of friends or colleagues, who give prominence to expression. The people I met had very different views from mine, and when I listened to them sharing their perspectives, I also learned how to express my thoughts better.

From my experience, being a good student made me obedient and unable to speak up for myself. Eastern culture, specifically Vietnamese culture, does not encourage individual expression. Instead, I have been taught about collectivism, which means living in harmony with the collective or sacrificing oneself for the other. I have learned these things a lot, either indirectly or directly. Someone else would mention these things to me, or I would indirectly learn them by seeing the adults around me practicing them. For example, in my family, my mother always says, “How can you do anything without enduring a little?”. I think enduring a little is very difficult for me. However, I am also learning these things because I have witnessed my mother enduring her relatives. And it has become a habit for me, entering my subconscious, and truly difficult to change. Now, I may be different, but inside me, there will still be fears or shame that I have deeply ingrained since childhood. I have some new beliefs which are temporarily operating well in my life. But when something harsh touches me more profoundly, I think it won't be easy to follow new beliefs.